i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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