didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
