Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
