you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize