I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
