Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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