new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
