Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize