Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
