Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
