I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
