Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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