dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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