i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
