If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
