Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
