I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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