You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
