A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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