i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
