if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
