i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
from now on my penis is your penis
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
