I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
