12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
