HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
where does the pee come out of this thing
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
