That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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