your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
