Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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