goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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