Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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