Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
