apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
