what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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