Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize