i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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