Betty ford says i'm here all night
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
