I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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