if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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