my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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