I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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