and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
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considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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