My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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