There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
