The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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