my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
