mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
