I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
