Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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