I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
