Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
