please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
