I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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