DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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