We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
