Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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