Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
