so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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