Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
