bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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