Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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