hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
