So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
