oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
