I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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