Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
