Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
