If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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