he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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