I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
