Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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