im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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