Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
