I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
