One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
