after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
