I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
