I need help removing her.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
